Rest In Peace, Sweet Macy Grey

It is with more sorrow than anyone should ever have to bear that I write that we hold Macy in our hearts only, and no longer in our arms. 

I took Macy to the vet yesterday to have them check her leg.  For the last few weeks she had not been putting her full weight on her front left leg.  She was running in the yard a few weeks ago, gave one little yelp and came in limping.  Anyone with greyhounds is used to this scene and it really wasn't anything out of the ordinary.  However, since then we noticed that she started favoring her right side.  She hasn't seemed to be any pain, never cried out again, still went for walks, still raced up the stairs, etc.  She wasn't limping and only occasionally would lift her paw up, but after a couple of weeks of noticing that she was shifting her weight off of that leg we decided we should take her in to see the vet.  I called on Monday morning, the only appointment was with a new doctor to the practice that we had never seen before.  The vet we usually see wasn't in the office on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.  So, that put us at Friday, December 17.  I really didn't want to wait that long, but since Macy didn't seem to be in any physical pain I didn't want to see a brand new doctor either.  The earliest appointment I could get was 4 pm so I took it.

Macy was so excited to jump in the van and was ready to go.  On the way, I could tell that she was a little nervous and wondering why Buford and Puddin didn't get to go too.  Whenever the kids go, they all go together and if there's only one dog in the van, they've figured out that it's not usually a good thing.  Once we got to the vet, she went into panic mode.  I gave her some love and talked sweet to her and she settled down some.  The lobby area at our vet has slate floors, but the exam rooms have those stupid shiny floors.  I know I must have posted on here before about how Macy slipped on the floor at Petsmart nearly a year ago.  Since then, she has been terrified of those shiny floors.  No matter what we did, her fear only got worse, not better.  She usually starts trembling so hard and gets so nervous that she looses traction and slips again (only exacerbating her fears, I'm sure) - usually her back legs splay and she starts to do the splits like Bambi until we catch her.  Anyway, I know this, I expected it and was very careful and watched for the signs.  They called us back to the exam room and she did start to slip, but I caught her, held onto her, petting her until she calmed down, leaned on me, and was on steady ground again.  The doctor came in to exam her.  Macy cried out when the doctor flexed her shoulder back.  The doctor suspected something in the upper part of her leg, rather than the lower part like I had thought.  After the physical exam, the doctor wanted to walk her around a bit to see how she shifted her weight off of that leg.  I handed the leash over and that's when life forever changed.

Macy was terrified and in an instant she slipped and fell.  Only this time, no one was there to catch her and she fell forward.  Her left leg completely twisted up behind her, her whole shoulder was bent around in back of her and it was the most horrific sound I have ever heard.  It felt like an eternity.  I remember dropping to my knees, screaming, and yelling "do something!" to both the vet and the assistant.  I felt like they panicked and forgot that they were the doctors.  I grabbed the leash and Macy and at least got that leg from being trapped behind her.  The vet tech then rushed her off.  The vet apologized that I had to witness that, promised they would give her good pain meds and take x-rays and let me know.  Everyone was visibly shaken.  In all honestly, this may have only been seconds, but I will never forget hearing my baby girl cry and scream like that.  I thought to myself, if she was fine when we came in here, she won't be when we leave.  Obviously, I had no idea what the rest of evening held for us at that point or just how bad it really was.  I called Tracy, but couldn't get in touch with him at first.  I called my aunt and asked if she could come get Lauren (who is currently under the weather with a terrible cold) for me since I knew I was going to be there much longer than anticipated.  I called Tracy back and got him so I explained what happened.  He was just leaving work then....which is nearly two hours from the vet.  My aunt and uncle, plus another uncle (the one who stops by mid-day to let the kids out to go potty) all came to be there with us and help take care of Lauren.

After what felt like an eternity again, the vet told me her leg was fractured - what they call a spiral fracture.  We asked for copies of the x-rays and here they are:

The vet suspected cancer, but unfortunately the x-rays were not definitive.  She sent them off to a surgeon in Fairfax and two radiologists in Springfield.  Each came back with the same conclusion.  They said they were 95% confident that it was cancer of some type and given the location they believed bone cancer.  Their reasoning pointed to the white line along the back of the bone and the darker grey area near the top.  Our options were bleak:  euthanasia or amputation (since we were told this was not a fracture that they could repair with any positive outcome).

I asked if I could see my sweet girl and I waited with her until Tracy got there.  At the first thought of euthanasia, I remember I just kept saying "I can't do it".  It wasn't time and I wasn't ready to let her go (I'm still not).  She was laying on a table, her leg was so swollen at this point, and we had to keep her calm and make sure she didn't move because they were afraid of an open fracture - the bone breaking through the skin.  I stayed at her head rubbing her soft, velvet body praying that she would somehow be okay while one of the vet staff stayed at the other end of the table helping to make sure she didn't move and checking her temperature periodically.

In the back of my mind, I'm always so scared of osteosarcoma and every time one of the dogs hurts a leg the slightest bit I worry.  I've just heard too many stories of this awful disease affecting so many greyhounds.  If I had gone in there, she hadn't fallen, they took x-rays and came back with a cancer diagnosis I feel like I could have accepted it better.  I kept saying over and over "I just wish she hadn't fallen".  The vet said that a healthy bone would not have done that from a fall.  It was a traumatic fall though and I feel like I will never know for sure.  If she hadn't have fallen, at least we would have had more time to process everything.  My first thought was I want to know 100% that it's cancer and move forward with a biopsy.  It was getting late on Friday evening though and the vet said if we chose to go that route, they were going to refer us to Springfield where a surgeon could do the biopsy and immediately take the next step if necessary (amputation).  No one would have been able to see Macy until Saturday though and we would have to transport her ourselves to Springfield that night where they would just keep her as comfortable as possible until the surgeon could see her the next day.  Although I wanted to do anything to save her, Tracy said "I don't want to see her suffer".  We began talking about just the drive alone.  Springfield was an hour away.  Just the thoughts of moving her off of that table alone and knowing how much pain she was in was too much - then to think of that drive and if something had happened, all the bumps and jostles from just normal road conditions and knowing that the slightest movement meant that bone could break through the skin was awful.

The vet couldn't tell us what to do, but encouraged euthanasia.  She said if we didn't do it Friday night, we would likely be faced with the same decision on Saturday.  I thought about all of the pain Macy would be in and we knew that she wouldn't like being a three-legged dog either.  The vet said that loosing a front leg is much harder on a dog too because they put much more weight on the front legs compared to the back.  It was the most agonizing decision we've ever had to make, but we knew we had to do what was best for her.  I know we did the right thing, but my heart still aches for my precious girl.

Both Tracy and I were there with her, holding her head, rubbing her ears, kissing her face, telling her how very much we loved her and how sorry we were.  I remember Tracy thanking her for coming into our lives and telling her that she will always be his favorite.  I never, ever imagined that I wouldn't come home with my angel, Macy.  From the day we brought her home on March 15, 2008, I always told her she was angel.  When I had Lauren, I told Macy that I have two angel girls now.  For two years, 9 months, and two days Macy was a constant source of joy.  It just wasn't enough time though.  It never would have been enough time no matter when we had to say good-bye, but I hate the way that she was taken from us.  She was the one.  She changed our lives forever and she started our passion for greyhounds.

We buried her in the back yard today.  We put her in one of her favorite spots where she loved to sunbathe.  Tracy spent most of the day building her a box and making sure it was as perfect as such a thing can be, it is re-enforced and sealed to protect her as best as possible.  Remember this post?  All this time, we still kept that torn up L.L. Bean bed that she loved (it was her first of many beds, but the only one that had her name on it).  We repaired the missing section and she is laying on that bed with blankets and her rug that she so dearly loved which I wrote about in this post.  Something about that rug by the door to the garage...we moved it a thousand times I'm sure.  Every time we put it by the door, she would drag it back to her bed.  If it was at the door in the morning when we left, it surely would be in the family room when we got home.  Oh, what I wouldn't give to have to move that rug a million more times!

Macy Grey
May 8, 2004 - December 17, 2010
We will always love you and miss you, sweet girl!